🔒 PRIVACY POLICY

1. Who We Are

Death By A Thousand Laughs ("we", "us", "our", or "the desert family") operates the website deathbyathousand.com and associated content channels. We are a comedy content studio based in the Sonora Desert (digitally, at least).

2. What We Collect

Information you give us:

• Email address (when you sign up for Mortimer's Dad Jokes newsletter)
• Name (optional, when provided during signup)

Information collected automatically:

• Basic analytics (page views, referring sites) via server logs
• YouTube video statistics (views, likes, comments) when you grant OAuth permission — used only to track content performance
• Google Drive file metadata when you grant OAuth permission — used only to store content assets and merch designs

3. How We Use Your Data

• Email: To send you daily dad jokes from Mortimer (and occasional updates about the universe). You can unsubscribe anytime.
• YouTube analytics: To understand which of our comedy videos perform best, so we can make more of what you like (and less of what makes Toaster sad).
• Drive access: To create and manage content assets, merch designs, and scripts — all within our own folders.
• We do NOT: Sell your data, share it with third parties for marketing, or use it to train AI models without consent.

4. Google OAuth Data

When you grant OAuth permissions through Google, we request only the minimum scopes needed:

• YouTube: Upload videos and read public statistics (views, likes, comments)
• Drive: Create and manage files in our app-specific folder
• Sheets: Log performance metrics to our internal tracking sheet

We never access your private Google data outside of these specific purposes. You can revoke access anytime at Google's permissions page.

5. Data Storage & Security

• Emails are stored in a local JSON file on our server. Mortimer reads them aloud every morning. He's not happy about it.
• Analytics data is stored in Google Sheets with limited access.
• We use standard HTTPS encryption for all data in transit.
• We retain email data until you unsubscribe or request deletion.

6. Your Rights

You have the right to:

• Access the data we hold about you
• Request deletion of your data (email us at privacy@deathbyathousand.com)
• Unsubscribe from emails at any time via the link in every email
• Revoke Google OAuth permissions at myaccount.google.com/permissions

7. Cookies

We use minimal cookies: essential session cookies for our newsletter signup and Google OAuth tokens. We do not use tracking cookies, advertising cookies, or third-party analytics cookies. The only cookie that matters is the one Toaster burnt.

8. Contact

Questions about this policy? Email us at privacy@deathbyathousand.com or yell into the desert — we'll probably hear you.

9. Changes

We may update this policy occasionally. If we make significant changes, we'll announce it on our website and in the dad jokes newsletter (because Mortimer will complain about it anyway).